The house of horrors (17/04/09)

My return to Parbatipur yesterday made me question why in the world I decided to come to Bangladesh in the first place. I was greeted by a veritable house of horrors, which I really must share with you (in expectation of full sympathy and many soothing noises). Let me guide you through my joyful return. As I do, try to imagine you’ve just spent the last two days on un-air conditioned buses, in punishing heat, alternately throwing up yourself and being vomited on my small children…

Exhibit number one: A mountain of crud beneath each window
Clearly, there had been a number of storms while I was away. The tell-tale sign is always the piles of dust, bits of twig, leaves, dead insects and pieces of tree that accumulate everywhere, although with particular concentration underneath the windows (even the ones you carefully remembered to close before you left).

Exhibit number two: Two lights left on
There was a blackout as I was leaving last week, and I thought I’d checked all the lights. Clearly not, however. This might not seem too horrifying, but think of the WASTE. Two lights left on for 10 days! I’m going to be held personally responsible when this country sinks as a result of climate change.

Exhibit number three: A bag of milk
I was ecstatic to discover that you can get UHT milk in Parbatipur. It comes in little plastic bags that say clearly on the outside something along the lines of: ‘No need to refrigerate until opened’. Yeah, right. Let me tell you, I’m going to be writing these companies a very strongly worded letter of complaint. There is every need to refrigerate before opening, because if you don’t, if you leave one of these innocuous-looking bags on the sideboard while you go away on holiday for 10 days, you may well come home to discover that they’ve mysteriously ruptured and leaked ALL OVER your kitchen, the leaked milk has naturally gone off and been set upon by a skin-crawling array of maggots, ants and cockroaches, and your flat is filled with the most disgusting smell imaginable.

A house of horrors, I tell you, horrors.

Exhibit number four: A fridge full of mouldy food
I didn’t say all of these horrors were not of my own making, did I? No? No. Good. So yes, I left half a banoffee pie and a bowl of defrosting tomato sauce and a partly-eaten cake in the fridge. And yes, I know that the power supply is limited at best. And yes, I also know that even with constant power all of these things aren’t likely to last 10 days without developing a nice rind of mould. I still reserve the right to be exasperated.

Exhibit number five: No gas
Once I have swept and scrubbed and wiped and gagged by way through the above, all I can think about is a nice cup of tea. Only to discover that my gas bottle has run out. Seriously God, not even a small break!?

Exhibit number six: Ants in my water filter
Failing a cup of tea, I decide to settle for a glass of water (it’s, like, 39 degrees outside). Only to discover that my water filter is full of cheeking sodding ants. How DARE they?! Tap water not good enough for them or something??

Exhibit number seven: Ants in my sugar
Surprise, surprise, the little chink in my sugar jar – the one that’s always been there but has so far evaded the ants – has been discovered and my sugar has been pillaged. I had to chuck it down the loo because I didn’t know what else to do.

Thank you for completing this short educational tour. For more information on becoming a VSO volunteer, please check out their website.